Did you ever wonder why when you’re down, things always seem to go from bad to worse? Maybe it’s just me but the fact is, the list of events that led me to this point is both long and humorous…if you aren’t me. There are times when I feel like God’s joke – except I’m the only one who gets to appreciate the punchline…in spades.
I’m not findin’ it funny, I have to say.
First of all, I hate this horrible, bitter-cold weather, so my mood is already in the mosh pit at the worst death metal concert ever, getting slammed from left and right with no chance of regaining balance before the next hit. On top of that, let’s add a sinus infection that will have me not breathing through my nose for who knows how long, with an allergy to all the “decent” meds that could possibly help me. Oh, and by the way, I’m mildly anemic, so the ibuprofin I need for my major back pain is making me bruise like I’m getting beaten when I’m not – just clumsy.
This is only the beginning.
I should save this for “last but not least” but I have never been able to wait to share things – I have a weird cut I got on the tip of my index finger while playing with my dog. I have no idea how it occured, but it is also now infected, so it hurts to type. That has comedic value if you know me at all. I’m also hormonal, which translates to mean “slightly insane” in man-speak. If you know the phrase “everything I touch turns to s**t”, you know the frame of mind you’re dealing with at present.
I think I have a classic case of the January Blues. I want to do things but the weather is so bitter and ugly, I also want to hibernate. The tooth I had a root canal on a couple of years ago cracked all the way down to the root (and apparently the nerve), so I had a bit of an appointment yesterday with another to come for a crown fitting. This would be great if it meant I’d be queen but no…it just means another expensive bill we can’t afford. Plus a toothache and corresponding ear ache.
Good times.
A good friend of mine would call this situation “ridonkulous”. I must agree. I have at least two vertibrae that have decided that staying in place is boring, so they flip out to the sides on a regular basis, which makes for a wonderful driving experience just before dance class. I have arthritis in my lower back as well as two bulging discs aside from all that, so that when I lie on the floor in agony from the first issue, the second one says, “screw you, you’ll still hurt, no matter what you do”. Thanks, Easterbunny! Bawk-bawk!
On that note, I’ll leave you to stew on something else I find amusing.
People don’t understand what country girls are like. Chances are, if you live in a big city, you know nothing about the hardships of rural life. There are wonders too but – here’s an example. You get an ingrown toenail. I’m betting most ladies and gents who live in sayyyy Hollywood, CA. go to a podiatrist immediately for that if they ever do have a problem at all, seeing as they all get pedicures.
When I get an ingrown toenail, I dig it out myself. That’s right, I said it. It’s far easier to me to do it myself than to have some guy poking around my sensitive extremeties with a sharp object. If anyone’s gonna have a sharp object here, it’s going to be me. Also, no one can hear you if you swear…so there’s that.
Ps. I subject-hop. Welcome to my mind. Enjoy the ride.
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