I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the art of talking – I practice it every day! When I was little, my parents couldn’t get me to stop. Now I answer questions in class, order take-out on the phone, Skype my friends, and engage in discussions at meetings. By these standards, everyone should be good at talking. But when we put a name on it like “networking”, talking seems a lot harder all of a sudden.
Assess Your Skills
Before you know what to work on, you have to know where you are starting. Here are some questions I took borrowed from the Test Your Networking Skills quiz at The Ladders. See how many you get right – be careful, they are tricky!
1. When meeting someone at a networking function, you should begin the conversation with:
A. casual conversation about the weather, sports, movies, pets or common interests.
B. a brief background on your career and the type of new position you are seeking.
C. questions about his/her career or why he/she is attending the function.
2. If you are having a difficult time getting a conversation started or if you are uncomfortable with networking, you should:
A. wait for someone to approach you to begin a conversation.
B. admit that sometimes these functions are awkward for you and ask the person for tips on how he/she goes about getting to know someone.
C. try meeting people around the food table and talk about how great the caviar tastes.
3. The best conversationalists are people who can:
A. ask other people interesting questions.
B. talk comfortably on a wide range of topics.
C. always pick up the conversation when others run out of things to say.
This photo is a "plug" to prevent your eyes from wondering down to the answers. Taken by Matt Caplin: twitter.com/mattcaplin
Answers
1. A. While C is very appropriate after you have started a good conversation; it is considered rude immediately to ask about a person’s career. Begin your conversation with casual talk.
2. B. If you are uncomfortable with networking, admitting that to the person you are talking to is almost always a great icebreaker. People will go out of their way to help to you. They will carry the conversation and frequently introduce you to others to make you feel welcome.
3. A. Surprisingly, some of the best conversationalists do the least amount of talking. While B and C are also characteristics of good conversationalists, being able to draw others into the conversation is an extraordinary skill.
Did you ace the quiz? If you didn’t get them all, here are a few tips to help you hone your networking & conversation skills. If you did get them all, well, there are only three questions on here, so try the entire quiz and I hope you will read the tips anyways.
Warm-Up Practice
#1. Walk the dog – take your dog out on a walk, perhaps to a dog park, and practice making small talk with other dog owners. This way you already have something in common and you can mingle while your dogs do. Insert tagline: canines – man’s loyal wingman.
#2. Take the kids to play – so you don’t have a dog, assuming you have children who are still young enough to enjoy going to the playground (FYI they are never too old to enjoy going to the playground), you can make conversation with the other parents while your kids play.
It never hurt to be well read.
#3. Read lots – Being well read is an asset in life, especially if you want to carry on a good conversation. It helps to be knowledgeable on a variety of topics like business trends, social issues, sports, entertainment, and the arts. You don’t have to be an expert on all these topics so I recommend starting with reading the newspaper on a regular basis.
Conversation Starters
#1. The accidental brush – likely the oldest and easiest trick in the book, this practice involves brushing shoulders with someone by “accident”, apologizing, and introducing yourself.
#2. Bring a wing(wo)man – we all have friends who are simply great at making friends. Bring them along and ask them to introduce you into the conversation.
#3. Go for the food –Although the response to question 2 in the quiz above suggested another alternative, there is nothing like free food that brings people together.
Conversation Developers & Exit
#1. Listen actively – what else can I say?
#2. Ask interesting questions – good conversationalists let the other person talk most of the time. Build on the conversation by asking thoughtful follow-up questions.
#3. Leave politely – the best conversationalists know when a conversation is coming to an end and exit courteously by expressing interest in getting in touch in the future with them and asking for a business card.
There is plenty here to get you started so try some of them out. Which practices work best for you?
Until the next post, stay classy.
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