an office job

if you wonder what

an office job is like – consider this:

what if inside you lived a brutal death metal band, in your bladder, and its groupies – all wearing black and pierced – lived in your kidneys?  every stroke of the space bar sounds like a zildjian trash cymbal, every time you hit “send” it feels like the strum of a tritone against your fingers.

the slow march to the bathroom, at 9:46 every morning, feels like advancing in line for a concert you know you’ll hate.  you try to keep your cool going up the elevator, as working weary mumble how happy they are it’s friday like it was the only one history ever gave them.

imagine your favorite band tuning their guitars for 4 hours, taking a lunch break, and tuning for another 4 hours.  they play a 45 minute set, but only of contemporary christian worship songs. and for the encore, the death metal groupies hang them by their hair until their scalps fall off.

if you still wonder what

an office job is like – i hear

microsoft is hiring.