We are living in the era of McD culture, where in we want everything instantly, no patience to wait for “any thing” Nothing was created instantly All great careers were built upon hundreds of small efforts, none of them got there overnight Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth pursuing Few days of activity and purpose won’t change everything around us Success is a cumulative process It takes time to fully transform circumstances It takes effort and belief to preserve and stay tuned until you hit the goal post Work and Wait, hold on; hold fast; Hold out Patience, Persistence and Perspiration are the only 3Ps to success
Atheists, Atheists, Atheists. (That was tough to type for some reason) They’re like their own little exclusive club.
“Well, I don’t like the Christian side of things… and I don’t like the other religions, they’re just a bit weird. It’s too bad there’s not a third choice.”
“Wait a minute. Let’s make our own association and not believe anything.”
“Hey, that’s not bad. We could call it Anti-Godists.”
“No no. That’s a bit wordy. Let’s call it Ha-ha-we’ve-got-our-own-thing-now-leave-us-alone-ists.”
“No, that’s wordy too. What about itheists, you know, with a small ‘i’. Kind of like ipod. It’s catchy ya? …itheists…”
“Ummm…no.”
And so it went on till the eventual conversion to Atheists (big “A”). Sounds a bit more legitimate.
But there’s a backfire in this plan. By rejecting God, they put him in the spotlight. They firmly pronounce that they don’t believe in God and give all these reasons. It’s like they have to justify breaking off from the norm. The good thing about it is that it sparks a thought in the hearer. The hearer entertains the eventual thought, “What do I believe?” This question is altogether approved by religion. It’s good to figure out what you believe. And if you don’t know… go find out.
From a different perspective, the curse word “GD” might just get phased out by Atheists and Christians alike. For instance:
Construction workers are building a structure and one of them hits his thumb with a hammer.
Worker A: “Owww! God!#$*@!”
Worker B: “Oh, I’m Atheist. I don’t believe in God.”
Worker A: “Oh… so it’s just *!$%@!?”
Worker B: “Right… we’re trying to get rid of God and you’re not helping.”
Worker A: “Well, that just doesn’t properly communicate what I’m feeling.”
Worker C: “Yes… and while we’re at it, I’m a Christian and don’t like the use of that word either.”
Worker A: Uh, I thought the founding fathers came here to get away from oppression.”
Worker D: (mockingly) “ Ooooh. Help! Help! I’m being repressed.”
The New York Times published a report from the Pew Research Center today saying a new trend is emerging- men are now marrying women with more income and more education than themselves. To see the full article: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/us/19marriage.html
The women interviewed report difficulty finding a partner who can grow with them, share common goals and values, and intellectually stimulate their minds long term without being intimidated. Another woman even shared that men were often intimidated and quoted a friend as saying, “You’re confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self sufficient. What man is going to want you?”
In “Closing the Leadership Gap Add Women, Change Everything” Marie Wilson writes that one barrier to women in leadership roles is “the unacknowledged societal fact: High-ranking jobs, and the ability to do them well, are based on a two-person model-one on the front lines of work and one in support of that effort at home.”
Interesting timing for such an article, as my weekend was spent having difficult conversations with the person I love about whether or not we have common goals and how that may play out in our relationship. Unlike the women in this article, I am blessed enough to have someone in my life who is not too intimidated to openly and honestly say she never wants to hold me back. A woman who recognizes that our paths are likely to lead us in different directions, and that the lessons we learn in the meantime are still worth having. My boss (CEO for a major non-profit) and I often discuss how difficult it can be to be successful at work, without any support at home-and she has a stay at home partner, who just isn’t very good at the job. Since our discussion today might mean more responsibility, I got to thinking about Marie Wilson’s idea that you really need a two person model to make it all work.
Dropping the laundry off to the laundry lady (God I love Miss Connie), picking it up, and putting it away.
Planning menus, shopping for food items, and maybe cooking once a week. (I love to cook, so I can’t relinquish all control)
General picking up around the house, but I don’t want to tell you what needs to be done. I want you to figure that out yourself.
You would need to get me and how I think. You might need to have a thick skin and a good sense of humor.
It would be nice if you could stick around just until I get home, share a cup of coffee with me, and let me download my day. Sometimes also known as spewing, venting, or emotionally vomiting.
Weekly deep cleaning rituals would be nice, but I don’t mind doing this on weeks when my life is less chaotic.
Organize dates between me and the girl, for this you really need to know me, because what I like to do varies with my mood. If I am single, your duties might include scheduling.
Organize the birthdays, cards, shipping of things, and bill paying.
Sex is not required, and room and board is negotiable. Pay starting at $20,000.
Ok, really I’m just gonna stop there, although I’m sure there are other things I’d like taken off my plate. I was all hot and bothered about this post after a 12 hour workday, but now at midnight, it really doesn’t matter that much. I like to be the caretaker, and I can be a little bit of a control freak, so I’m not sure that my bright idea will work too well for me in the long run…
I know one thing for sure; even on my most overwhelmed days, I refuse to buy into the hype that feminism has failed me, or that I can’t have it all. I just haven’t seemed to strike the balance, not yet, but I will….one day.
I’ve thought a lot about this post, especially since it’s about something that only happened in the last forty eight hours. I often remember the phrase “A thought is never fully formed until it has been expressed.” and for me the best form of expression is writing. I need to have things written down so I can see what I think about them. It makes me useless in an argument because I can’t marshal my responses. I look at both sides of what’s being said, and often cave without arguing back. With Mrs Dim, I’ll quite often take her opening speech and run through how I think the argument (oops, meant “discussion” there…Sorry!) will go. Odds are, I’ll find I’ve run out of responses before we really get into it. This isn’t because she overwhelms me or is authoritarian or anything spooky or depressing like that : The fact is, if we’re having a difference of opinion, it’s usually because I am being resistant to change or reluctant to take on responsibility for something (see my previous post).
It may seem daft that I say I’m resistant to change after speding sixteen years moving from house to house, having three kids and numerous minor jobs. Here I am, thousands of miles from the country I was born in, saying I don’t deal well with change. Well, it’s true. I like routine, I like things to sort themselves out and then I can cope with them being the same every day. Having got Tiny Weasel into full-time schooling, I could relax into running my own day between 9 and 3, fitting odd things into that schedule when necessary.
A while ago, when we were living in Bournemouth and not sure if we’d ever get to Canada, I wrote a magazine article called “Giving up the dream” which talked about the fact that I would have to stop being a full-time writer and go back to regular employment if we were going to stay in the UK. There was no other way we’d cope with the financial reality of life outside the RAF. And besides, with the kids in school and the writing business only growing slowly, there was no reason not to. I had hoped that coming out here, where the house prices are lower and the exchange rate was so good, that we could carry on as we were, and I could survive by increasing the number of published plays. Of course, I also had my grand plays to be visiting Rock-Star-Playwright at the local school and colleges, feted by all and showered with money for deigning to appear and discuss my process.
Well, the plays are still being written. We add new titles every month and our business plan for the next year is healthy enough, but the projected earnings don’t match up to the projected shortfall if we go ahead with the house purchase we’re both considering. Me getting a regular job is the only sensible solution, and this is what Mrs Dim said to me, in a very reasonable tone of voice on Saturday afternoon. I’d like to say that I nodded sagely and instantly suggested several courses of action that we could work on.
I didn’t. I sulked like a teenager. I whined and bitched. I muttered about having wasted the previous ten years building up a business only to throw it away. I said I would only be able to get a stupid shift job at Starbucks, since I’m qualified for nothing, and what good would that do? When this didn’t get me anywhere, I brought the dog into it. How was she going to get her morning walk if I go out to work? Pathetic, isn’t it?
Mrs Dim was more than a little disappointed. From her point if view, I was being very slow and unsupportive. She had shown me the accounts spreadsheet the week before and indicated how the incoming and outgoings wouldn’t match up if we take on a mortgage, or even if we just carry on the way we’re going now. I looked blankly at the lines of figures and nodded hopefully. I did not leap up and suggest I get a job and, bless her, right then she didn’t ask me. She gave me more time to figure it out myself, and when she felt it couldn’t wait any longer, she pushed the issue and I reacted like a spoilt brat.
Why? Well, have I mentioned that I don’t cope well with change? (Please understand, I am aware that everything said in this paragraph is an EXCUSE and not a REASON. I’m explaining my point of view, not asking you to agree.) I have exactly the life I have always dreamed of: I have time to write my looniest ideas down and send them away to my publisher, I get to tidy and clean at my own pace, I get to walk the dog in the fresh air at least twice a day and I don’t have an in-tray. I’ve worked in many different types of jobs in my time, and never really found one that I enjoyed. I worked behind a bar, behind a desk, behind a shop counter, in a factory and it’s only since I’ve been working for myself from home that I’ve been happy with the working hours and conditions. If the kids are ill or there’s a crisis at school, I don’t need anyone’s permission to shut down the computer and go get ‘em.
But the point here is not how comfortable I feel in a new work situation. The point is that Mrs Dim has said there is a family crisis on the horizon, and I’m the one who can do something about it right now. If I step up and find work, I can stop that crisis ever arriving, and what kind of husband or father would I be if I just curl up under the desk and hope it goes away? It’s not like she’s asking me to stop being a playwright, and there’s plenty of examples of people out there who acheived more than I do on a daily basis while holding down a nine to five job. If I can’t carry on writing, reviewing and appraising while I turn in eight hours a day somewhere, then I don’t deserve to have all this time at home playing at being a famous writer.
On the other hand, if you know anyone who wants to hire a writer for a couple of thousand dollars a month, I can send you the number to call….
Over the past week, I have been reviewing the process of getting two job offers, and then making a decision . . .
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
At the end of my last post, I had 1 job offer that was not ideal, but offered some security for myself and my family. The other option was to stay on hourly and wait for something better. I was looking for some wisdom to make the right decision.
Since I had been open and honest with my hourly employer from the beginning through the entire process, I thought he and another coworker would be good sources of wisdom, so I asked them to set aside lunch to chat with me . . .
Instead, without me knowing, the two of them went off to a local restaurant and talked it over, apparently calling back to the office to ask financial questions several times . . . All this in order to offer me a full-time job.
In hindsight, this may have appeared to be presumptuous on my part, as if I was trying to force the issue with a threat to leave. This was in no way the case. I was honestly looking for insight and wisdom.
At any rate, just before lunch, they called me and asked me to meet them at the restaurant where they gave me the verbal offer before I even had an opportunity to ask my questions. Quite simply, the work I had done in the past month as an hourly employee made me valuable enough to them to take a small risk not to lose me.
Quite frankly, the base salary was slightly lower, but the cost of commuting would more than make up for that. The financial benefits were also slightly lower. So, the real decision was much more than financial.
One of my friends recently suggested that my aggressiveness probably helped me. In fact, it almost cost me this job before I got it. A couple of long-term employees almost rebelled at them offering me a job. Bottom line is a quote I came across recently: “At first, the line between confidence and arrogance appears quite thin. Time and teachability reveal the difference.” As time goes on, I think those employees will understand the decision that was made and will enjoy having me around.
But, in the end, being “the total package” I mentioned in my previous posts won out over any personal difficulties. They said, “There is just nobody else like him on the market right now.” In an industry with 17.8% unemployment? I’m quite surprised to hear that, but that is what they said.
The real deciding factor for me was that I had been open and honest with this employer about our ultimate desires and goals in moving to the Towson area. This employer not only will allow a certain level of flexibility for us to do these things, there are some things in the works within the office that will actually make it even easier.
I believe the work profile is a better match, the business organization is more in line with what I was looking for, I feel like I have made friends quickly with several employees, and several other more personal aspects of this job made the decision quite easy.
So, I made the decision, and am now working full-time as a Project Architect for Curry Architects in Baltimore, Maryland.
the roof or I got a raise? The answer is b! I got a raise!
A pretty decent one too, not just a cost-of-living/inflation one.
I was very touched because–besides being useful–such an action is boss speak for “I appreciate having you around.” Especially in these times, when one could theoretically be an ungrateful douche if one wanted.
